


Misunderstanding

by Scappodaqui



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: Alien Culture, Andalites, Cassie has the best intentions, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, POV Cassie, POV First Person, Worldbuilding, gay andalites, poor baby Ax, she really does
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-10
Updated: 2017-04-10
Packaged: 2018-10-17 08:55:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10590651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scappodaqui/pseuds/Scappodaqui
Summary: After the events of Book 40,The Other, Cassie goes to talk to Ax about his reaction to Gafinilan and Mertil.





	

“Marco was really angry at Ax,” I told Jake. He’d come by to hang out at the barn and help me muck out stalls. I think he also wanted to avoid Tom. And, you know. Probably see me alone. It wasn’t like a date, or anything, though he did bring some books from the library so I could finish this research project--a much more useful present than flowers. 

Jake frowned and let the hay bale he was holding thump to the floor outside the stall. He brushed off his hands on his pants.

“We put the gloves over there,” I added, because the twine can be pretty rough on your fingers if you’re not used to it. Jake has a pair he likes to wear, but he’s always forgetting to put them back in a place where he can find them again.

“It was kind of weird,” Jake said, getting the gloves and coming back. “I didn’t know Marco had such principles about the disabled.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, too,” I said. I rested the pitchfork against the wall and wiped sweat off my face with one forearm. I wheeled the full barrow of manure out of the stall and helped Jake cut the ties holding the hay in a bale shape. We started spreading it out across the floor. Sometimes our hands would touch, which was I guess part of the idea. It was nice. Almost normal. Rachel had cackled when she heard our plans and said it was my ideal date: just me, Jake, and a pile of horse poop. _ Your comfort zone, Cassie! _

“Do you think…” I said carefully to Jake. “... that maybe what was bothering him was… something else?”

“Hm?” He looked at me blankly. “Oh. I don’t know. Um. What? Something about his mom?”

I shook my head. “No. I don’t think so. Nothing’s happened, has it?”

“No new developments.” He had on his serious-and-official face. It’s kind of cute, until I think about how often he wears that expression now instead of the chilled-out-guy look he used to have. It was cute when it was him putting on the costume of a grownup. It’s not so much that way when I feel like it’s the normal-kid part of him that fits uneasily these days.

Which, I guess, is the point of these awkward stall-mucking dates.

“I was just thinking,” I said. “Mertil and Gafinilan are a couple, I’m pretty sure.”

Jake stared at me wide-eyed. He blinked. “They’re both guys.”

“Well, yes.”

“Oh. Huh.” He rubbed a hand across his mouth and then winced when he realized he was, a., wearing gloves and, b., wearing gloves covered in manure. “Yuck. I mean not yuck that they’re gay, just… I just thought they were good friends.”

“The I’d-die-for-you-and-would-die-without-you type of good friends? Yeah, Jake, I think they’re a couple.”

“Well, I mean, me and Marco--” He stopped himself and looked anguished. I almost laughed. “Cassie. I’m not gay for Marco.”

“I know  _ you  _ aren’t.”

His hand drifted unconsciously up to his mouth again. I helpfully touched his wrist before he could give himself hoof-and-mouth disease. He let his hand drop. “Huh.”

“It’s none of my business,” I said quickly. “It’s just that I have this, I don’t know, feeling like… Marco’s always going on dates with girls that mysteriously don’t work out? Talking a little too much about how attractive women are, which is kind of offensive but also, you know, revealing?” Sometimes I also caught him looking at Jake in a strange way when we were all down to our morphing outfits, but I wasn’t going to mention  _ that _ . “Again, none of my business. I just. I thought maybe, given the way Ax reacted to Gafinilan and Mertil, maybe it hit a nerve for Marco.”

Jake gestured helplessly. “Wow, Cassie, that’s kind of a lot of… what do you want me to do about this?”

“Nothing,” I hastened to say. Jake tries to take responsibility for everything already. “Just sharing my thoughts.”

“I thought Ax didn’t like Mertil because he was a  _ vecol _ or whatever, not because he was gay. Are you sure that’s it?”

“I guess I’m not,” I admitted. “It’s still pretty lousy of him. To treat someone that way just because they’re disabled. I’d like to understand his reasoning better, or learn more about what he grew up believing. For one thing, it could affect how he treats human beings.”

Jake’s mouth twisted. “You mean, you think he’d also treat disabled humans as lesser? Or gay ones?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Cassie, I’m Ax’s Prince. I get that I’m supposed to tell him what to do, but I don’t always understand him all that well. Maybe Tobias could talk to him.” Jake looked troubled now. I could tell he was thinking about Marco.

“I should probably do it myself.” I nodded. “You know what? I’ll do that. I’ll go talk to him.”

“Who, Marco?” Now Jake looked really alarmed.

“No! No. I think I’ll go talk to Ax.”

“Right.”

* * *

I decided to visit Ax the next day, a Saturday, so I’d have plenty of time to get out to his scoop and back. Besides, I know he’s always there watching the Saturday morning cartoons. I figured I would bring a peace offering, something to make him feel better about talking to me. So when I stumbled downstairs for breakfast, I popped a couple of extra pieces of toast in the toaster over. When they came out, I spread cinnamon, butter, and sugar onto the slices, folded them into a sandwich, then wrapped them in tinfoil and put the packet into a brown paper bag.

I told my parents I was going with Rachel to the library. She’d asked me to cover for her anyway--she wanted to fly with Tobias. Instead, I doubled back to the woods once I was a safe distance from our house. I morphed wolf quickly, then picked the paper bag up delicately with teeth that could crack a deer’s femur. Carrying the cinnamon toast distracted my wolfish senses pretty badly. It was like being human and putting on dark glasses. Every other aroma came through with a strong blur of cinnamon; it actually made navigating the familiar path to Ax’s scoop more difficult. I had to stop to regain my bearings a few times, and by the time I arrived I estimated I’d spent nearly an hour in morph.

<Marco?> Startled, I dropped the paper bag. Ax’s voice sounded tentative and hopeful. I felt bad about disappointing him.

<No, it’s Cassie.>

<Oh,> Ax said. Now I could see him; he climbed out of his scoop and approached me. <Cassie. Is there some trouble? Does Prince Jake require my presence?>

<Nothing like that. I just thought I’d visit.>

<Of course. You are welcome.> He scanned his scoop with both stalk eyes. <I would offer you a refreshing beverage, but I have none.>

<It’s okay, Ax, don’t worry about it.>

It’s sweet that Ax has started to catch onto more human customs. He really is trying. I felt guilty that I was about to interrogate him about his prejudices, but it sounded like he wanted someone to talk to, anyway; I know he gets lonely, and Tobias was off with Rachel. I saw he had indeed been watching TV, though he’d put it on mute when I arrived. In the background, I saw Wile E. Coyote chase Roadrunner across a desert and off a cliff. Wile E. looked around comically, then plummeted to the ground. Ax gave one of his weird Andalite smiles at the scene. <Aha. You see, the humor of this scenario comes from their disobedience of the laws of physics. Though of course our engineers could create a field generator that would-- > He stopped himself. <Cassie. Have you by chance brought cinnamon buns?> All four of his eyes zeroed in on the paper bag I had brought.

I’d started to demorph once he extended his welcome. Now I finished, straightened, and stretched, getting used to my human body again. I snagged the paper bag from where it had fallen onto the grass. “Not quite. We didn’t have any around the house, but I did make cinnamon toast. It’s like a cinnamon bun. Sort of.”

Ax had begun morphing human as soon as he’d detected the presence of food. He stopped partway through, a shifting, melting amalgam of human and Andalite features. <For me?> he clarified.

“Of course. I brought it for you.”

<Good.> He completed his morph, stumbling as his four legs shrank to two. 

He wound up kind of formally inviting me into his scoop, where we sat down on a grass mat in front of the television. It was nice. I knew he’d had people to visit before--definitely Marco, who claims Ax gets television channels he can’t get at home. I waited while Ax devoured the sandwich I’d made him and stopped him before he could test his human teeth out on tinfoil. 

“So,” I said at last, “How have things been with you, Ax?”

“Things?” He smiled widely, amused at the sound. “Tthhh. That vibrates my lips and tongue pleasingly. Pttth.” He grew more serious. “Things are fine.”

“I was just asking because… I know you’ve had a lot to think about since we met Mertil and Gafinilan. I know that was strange for you.”

<Yes. Very strange.> He reverted to thought-speak, as he sometimes did when nervous. Human speech is more like a toy to him than communication, I think. <And disturbing.>

“I thought you might want to talk about it.”

He stared at me out of weirdly familiar human eyes. I think he got their shape from Jake and some of their color from Rachel; either way, it’s always strange to pick out pieces of his human morph that remind me of us. His chin and face shape resemble mine, and so does the texture of his hair. 

“I wanted to try to understand more of your feelings,” I told him gently. “None of us are Andalites. We don’t understand your culture, so we had trouble knowing why you reacted the way you did to them.”

<To the  _ vecol _ ? I mean… to Mertil?> Ax shook his head. I wondered if he were going to demorph, but he seemed fine sitting next to me in human form.

“Yes, Ax, to him. You know that humans try not to discriminate against disabled people.”

<You say that, but I hear many slurs directed at them in your cultural communications.>

“We’re not perfect,” I admitted.

<Surely there would be more dignity in their remaining in isolation? In fact I do not see many humans missing limbs on television. Or in my limited travels to your mall.>

He was behaving very defensively, and I wondered if he, too, were evading some other issue. It did make me think, though. Were we being hypocritical? I like to think that doing the right thing is a matter of putting yourself in someone else’s situation and using empathy, and that anyone can do it. Even an alien. It wasn’t like I believed that just because he came from a different culture he’d be incapable of that. I know he can be surprisingly insightful about human emotions at times. 

“You’re making some good points,” I allowed. He nodded in the exaggerated way he does when in human form. 

<I do not know why Marco would not understand.>

“That upsets you?”

<I…> Ax paused. <What you are saying… Tobias has discussed this with me before. I understand your customs differ from mine. I will attempt to follow your ways while I am on this planet.> He sounded very stiff, and I kicked myself for going down the wrong path.

“Okay. That’s good. That’s… impressive, actually, to allow yourself to be that open-minded. I get the idea that way of thinking isn’t big on your planet?”

<It is not.>

“Okay.”  I paused. “There is one thing I wanted to ask. You know, so I’d understand where you’re coming from better.”

<Ask.>

“Your issue with Gafinilan and Mertil… is it partly because they’re gay?”

Ax blinked at me. “I’m sorry?” he said out loud. “Sorr-ee? I believe my translator chip may be malfunctioning,”

“Oh. Gay… I mean, they’re in a relationship. Romantically involved. It kind of seemed like you might have a problem with that.”

Ax drew back stiffly and looked away from me, then back. I’ve noticed he doesn’t make a lot of steady eye contact. I guess that’s not something four-eyed creatures do much. “Yes. They should not be… as you say, romantically involved. It would be an impossibility on the homeworld. It’s actually quite uncomfortable to speak about.”

I bit my lip. It was too bad he felt that way, though when I thought about it, I guessed human beings haven’t always been all that accepting of gay people. “Well, here on Earth, we kind of… I mean, in this society, anyway… we don’t think it’s right to judge someone for being attracted to members of the same sex. It’s natural, just the way we think some people are born.”

“Members of the same--” Ax broke off and ogled me. “I am not sure I understand. Of course attraction to members of the same gender is natural. That does not change the fact that Gafinilan should not remain bonded to a  _ vecol _ . On the homeworld their mating would have been dissolved immediately.”

“Wait. So you… so gay marriage exists on your planet?”

“Again, I’m not sure I understand the words you’re using, but… ah, you mean gay as in homosexual,” Ax said with satisfaction. “Yes. That human word is a near synonym. As is marriage for bonding, mating. Right?”

“Right, I think so.”

“You thought I would find it objectionable for two males to mate?” He seemed honestly astounded.

“Um, on Earth a lot of people do.”

“Why?” I could see the little gears in Ax’s head that said ‘crazy humans’ start to turn. I worried it would make him dismissive. 

“I don’t know, I guess… religious reasons, a lot of people think it’s against their religion. Or… maybe people think the purpose of marriage is to have children, and two people of the same gender can’t do that.”

Ax’s face twisted in something like disgust. He laughed in a not-quite-human way. “You pair-bond purely in order to procreate? Doesn’t your planet have a problem with overpopulation?”

“I guess people think it’s important to have kids. To pass on their genes.”

Ax sniffed. “You wish your group of humans to outnumber and overwhelm the other groups? That’s a pattern we see in many lesser animals. How primitive. In any case, why can those of the same gender not simply create genetic offspring using their DNA?” He eyed me. “Don’t tell me humans do not have that technology.”

“Um, actually, we don’t.”

He shook his head slowly, astounded. “How strange. You have begun altering the genetic material of your plants but you do not bother to do this?”

“I guess we humans can be a little backwards.”

Ax snorted. “I should say.”

“It really is good to hear you don’t have a problem with gay people.”

“As I’ve said, that is not my issue with… it is not…” He looked uncomfortable. “We Andalites don’t discuss romantic relationships very much. Especially not with aliens. Not that… I mean, of course you are not just any alien, but….”

“It’s okay, Ax, I think plenty of humans find it awkward, too.” Jake and I can’t even call each other boyfriend and girlfriend out loud, and we’ve only ever kissed a handful of times. I can see why Andalites would want to keep romantic stuff private. Emotions can be private things, especially for a race that’s as strict and rigid as it seems like the Andalites are. They must need space to have normal feelings outside of their social boundaries. I hesitated, then looked at Ax and went on, leaning forward to show I was in earnest. “You know you can talk to me if you feel like it, though, right? And I won’t judge you.”

Ax looked at me without blinking for a little while, then turned his head away. “Yes. I do believe you are sincere, Cassie.”

We sat quietly for awhile, and at some point Ax felt either comfortable or uncomfortable enough to get up and demorph to his Andalite form. This time the first thing that happened was he turned slowly blue, as if he were asphyxiating. Fur sprouted, and I watched as his mouth seemed to melt away; the melancholy cast to his human face resumed its Andalite expressionlessness. But the emotion still read in the way he moved. In his own form he circled the scoop restlessly, only one stalk eye on the TV screen that was now showing the ads he called “These Messages.” Today’s were advertising the Transformers toys. I could imagine what he’d make of that; I found myself wondering if Andalite kids played with toy spaceships… and toy weapons. Probably. Probably, it was only a matter of a few years before they got to play with real ones, since we knew Ax was our age and already a military cadet. It didn’t seem like they got to be kids for long.

<It’s just so disgusting,> Ax burst out, circling the scoop. He was carefully not looking at me--I knew it was on purpose, because with four eyes it’s harder to avoid eye contact than to make it. <They have been on Earth for the same length of time I am. And yet my own experience is closer to the true isolation of a  _ vecol _ .> He turned to me fiercely. <You know everyone on the homeworld believes it is I who gave you humans the morphing power. I, and not Elfangor. That is as it should be! I take responsibility. I behave with honor whenever I can. I--I know I do not always… I know that I have sided with you against my fellow Andalites in the past, but always with reason. I live by our codes. They are older than I am and supposed to be wiser and yet exhibit no self-control. I used to think they were such heroes!>

“It must be hard,” I said, “Realizing that people you admired have their own flaws.”

Ax’s tail slashed the air. Once. Twice. Then it drooped, almost dragging in the ground. I didn’t have to be an expert on alien body language to figure out what that meant. He felt defeated. Saddened. Lonely. The only free Andalites on this planet had, in their own way,  _ rejected him _ . They’d rejected the rules to which he clung for comfort; to me, Andalite rules seemed unnecessarily harsh, but to Ax I guess they meant structure and identity, something to tie him to the people he had lost. Further, Mertil and Gafinilan had each other, while Ax only had… well, us. 

“You know,” I said gently, “I don’t think it’s too late for you to go and apologize to Mertil… if you feel like it. I know you used to know each other… I bet he’d like to see another Andalite.”

<Marco has visited him.>

“What?” I shook my head. “He has?”

<You did not know?> Ax regarded me curiously through his main eyes. <Tobias saw him flying over Henry McClellan’s home.>

“No, I didn’t know. Good for Marco.” I was surprised he’d done something like that, but in a good way.

Ax hesitated. He looked lost in thought. <Perhaps,> he said at last.

I waited for him to finish. 

<Yes. Perhaps I will go.>

**Author's Note:**

> As usual this was beta'd by the amazing [Cavatica](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Cavatica), my inspiration for all things Andalite cultural confusion-related.


End file.
